The coefficient of J

How is it 2014 and you think it's okay to threaten me? Are you really going to measure my J coefficient, where J is the I-love-Jesus index (unitless), based on whether or not I forward your message to 12 people in 12 minutes so that I can have 12 miracles occur or else 12 bad things will happen to me before 12 noon tomorrow?

Stop it.

First of all, your message reads like a programming code and programming shows me earth, wind and fire. Secondly, starting off the text with a part heart-warming and part heart-wrenching story isn't going to make me do it. Thank you for the dissertation though, I'll never say no to some light reading. Thirdly, it's not that I wouldn't like 12 miracles to come redo my entire life; if anyone needs all those miracles its me, the problem is you're kinda lying to me.

Those messages are pretty mysterious and they can instill some type of superstitious fear in someone who's a little, say, conservative. That's really unfair on them because I've fallen for this trickery. Who wouldn't want a factor of safety on their life for the next twelve hours- protection from life and is corrosive-ness? Now, the next time that person drops their mug, they are going to think it's because of the unforwarded message, completely disregarding the fact that there was an extention cord they tripped over.

Fifthly, or whatever, I've lost count- when I'm going through my inbox and reading things that have a million other recipients I already know it's probably not an important email.  Then I open it and it starts off by telling me "90% will ignore this email, are you the 10% who won't?". I feel like Eye Of The Tiger is playing in the background as I close it without reading further. I may be wrong, but I don't believe in sharing the Word of God like that. I feel like it's the bad kind of persuasion, the kind that packs up your luggage and gives you a bus ticket for your guilt trip.

Perhaps I'm writing with my reactive mind and using past experiences here but do you know what I mean? Maybe I've forwarded emails and followed the required protocol but the thing I wished for when I closed my eyes for 30 seconds didn't come true. I don't know, I don't remember.  My analytical mind that thinks all things are okay is on leave, it's exam time and nothing is okay. It's a good point to end a blog when scientology creeps in. 

What I'm trying to say is: my J coefficient is not a function of forwarded messages. Am I wrong?

PS: If you think forwarding to 12 people and receiving 12 back means you are a (insert fallacy here) then you can come speak to me about it, I won't even charge you.  We can have some tea.

I really hope I don't get hit by a bus today because of this.

Ntsa