Dear Mama

My feet are cold and my socks are nowhere in sight. Nothing really is. In sight, I mean. My mummy has turned my room into her walk-in closet just because I spend most of my time at school. So I thought I should write her a quick memo about her new project, and a few other things while I'm at it.

1. Mummy your outfits are lovely, all of them. I promise. No, your bum isn't sticking out and no, you aren't behaving like a teenager. No, the boys in matric won't judge your jeans and yes, you are a little mad. Choose one, you're late.

2. Just because I'm on holiday it doesn't mean I'm gonna help with tying your hair each morning. I'm sleepy. It's 7am.

3. Your side eyes make my phonecalls so uncomfortable. I just waffle and the person on the other end thinks I'm retarded. It's hard to answer all the questions with a "Yes" or "No".

4. When I say "me too" at the end of the call,  it's not because I'm confessing my undying love to a boy.

5. Yes, it was a boy Mama. No, he's not my boyfriend. No, I'm not sneaking out to go see him when I say I need airtime. No, he's not a thug.

6. Yes, he's the reason I needed the airtime. 

7. The change from the tomatoes you sent me to buy earlier is short because of that airtime. 

8. I promise to graduate so I can start buying my own stuff. Xi bha ngopfu xa Engineering.

9. I've gained weight but it's from all the pasta I eat. Don't worry.

10. Are you worried?

11. Dad isn't hungry. Stop rushing us to go home when we're not done shopping just because you miss your boo thang.

12. It's cute how you make both rice and pap because he prefers pap. It's cute how you complain like you hate it.

13. My room at res is a mess because I study all day. Everyday.

14. Don't look into my eyes when I'm trying to lie.

15. Oh. No, people aren't laughing at me because I failed a course. It's varsity, half don't care and the other half are repeating too.

16. Thanks for caring though.

17. Please give me your car. I'm such a good daughter.

18. In the meantime, thanks for trusting me with your car.

19. You're ageing so gracefully. I hope I get to be 50 and look 40 too.

20. Dad is a lucky man.

21. But you're a lucky girl also.

22. Thanks for understanding that I don't like cooking and only shouting at me about it on days that end with "day".

23. When you call me and skip to the (sometimes very juicy) news instead of starting with the greetings... That makes me laugh.

24. I love you. Thanks for the prayers I know nothing about but am sure you say.

Jam:

Hey Mama- Kanye West

Ntsa